Somehow, no matter how much I console myself, I still can't take it. Especially when I feel as though I'm really close to someone. You feel as though you're really special to that someone, but after you realize that he or she treats everyone else the same way and gives them that same treatment, doesn't it make you feel less important? It does to me. Every time.
So why? It doesn't matter if it's a lover or a friend, it feels the same. I guess that's why among our large circle of friends, we only have a small group of so called 'best friends'. Friends that we open up to, the ones that we share everything with. But is it possible for 2 friends to share a best friend? Is it possible to give your all to that friend, when you know that there's a possibility that he's talking to another best friend of his and not giving you his full dedication?
I can't. I just can't.
Jealousy is something strong huh. No matter how hard we try, we just can't push it down sometimes. Why do we have to want something we don't have? Or even worse, why do we also not want others to have the same thing? Is friendship and love really not the same when it is shared?
I always want to feel different. I want to be different from the rest. I want to be someone special to others. I mean, it's okay if we just be normal friends, but when you reel me in and make me feel special, how can you just leave? That sucks.
The same way, why can't we have more than one wife or one husband? I mean, besides religious and ethical reasons, what's so wrong about it? Because it's impossible.
We're not meant to be generous, especially when it comes to the best things. In a way, I guess it's a good thing. We cherish the friendships, treasure the love and hold it dearly to our hearts. If something was so important to us, it'd be natural for us to be angry and jealous when we lose it.
Even though I know there's nothing to be angry about, that doesn't stop the pain.
I don't get it.
Exclusivity is such a pain.
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